‘Honey, have you seen my…?”


Where_is_ItI’m told it’s called “Man Eyes” or “Guy Vision.” It’s where we leave something in plain sight, yet can’t find it.

And, of course, our women can find it in a heartbeat.

Case in point this week was my cellphone. I remember taking it out of its Otter Box clip in the evening, turning it off and planning to charge it. The next morning, I went to unplug it, only to see a disconnected charger. Dang!

Since I’d turned off the phone, my easy-find technique of calling the thing wasn’t an option. So I had to rely on two flawed items — my Mark 1 eyeballs and my brain.

I searched my desk area where the charger’s located. Nothing. I looked at the air hockey table near the desk where I often temporarily place stuff. No good. Beside my recliner in the rec room? Uh-uh. On the bar? Nyet. On the counter in the bathroom? In the other bathroom? Kitchen? On the dining room table? In the living room? Bedroom? Spare bedroom? Daughter’s room? No, no, no, no, no, no, and no!

I checked the pants I’d worn the night before to no avail.

So I had to tell my wife I couldn’t find my cellphone. I was a bit panicked. She suggested trying to mentally retrace my steps (smart move). I did so, but had no success and had to leave the house for a meeting. All morning, I felt disconnected.

And then as I was eating lunch at Syd Rivers in Wallaceburg, my lunch “date’s” cellphone started to ring. A second friend looked down and slid the phone to me. “It’s for you.”


Sure enough, it was my home number on Call Display — my wife. She’d come home, did a walk around the house and found my phone…on the air hockey table, a mere seven feet from my desk. Yes, the same air hockey table I had checked four hours earlier.

Man Eyes are one more reason I’m usually very anal retentive when it comes to where I put important items, such as my phone and keys. If/when I misplace them, I’m generally in deep trouble, because I cannot find them without spousal support.

But as for other things, I misplace them all the time. It generally results in me saying, “Honey, have you seen…?” Usually, before I finish the sentence, she’s advised me where the item is, which is usually right under my nose.

We men are guilty of having Guy Vision. But I find the ladies also can misplace things. My wife has a tendency to lose her keys. Oh, they’re usually in a coat pocket or on the table.

And eyeglasses; yep, she’s good at leaving them here and there too. Generally as easy to find as the keys.

It is odd how both sexes can find items lost by women. For some reason, Guy Vision doesn’t turn on when hunting for our spouse’s missing items. When a man misplaces something, he invariably has to employ his partner’s eyeballs to find the errant item.


  1. Maybe you can help with a problem I am having – about your friends continually posting shit they are selling on facebook – every update from some of your friends is the latest – deal, special or product their “company” has released. Hey i know where you work – when i want to buy something i will give you a call.

    please help – my so called friends are clogging up my news feed with crap!!

    • Sounds like you need Vito and Rocco to come by and act on your behalf to deal with your “friends.” Hope all is well out west.

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        Nice blog


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