Dwelling on death and dying has often been looked at as a morbid or depressing pastime, more suited to the existentialist offering of author Albert Camus in the grim tale, The Stranger. Talking about it in an open, honest dialogue at a death café is a new concept a local couple hopes will help people bring the taboo subject into the open.
Alan and Julie McIntyre, owners of the Tea Connection in Chatham, will hold a death café on Sept. 12 from 7:30 p.m.-9 p.m. at their business as a way to give back to the community.
The brainchild of Bernard Crettaz, a Swiss sociologist and anthropologist, death cafés are a fairly new concept, reaching several different countries since 2010, including England, the United States, Wales, Australia, Brazil and Canada.
“People are often reluctant to talk about death,” McIntyre explained. “The death café is a venue just to get people comfortable with it. We ask people to sit down, offer them tea and cake and discuss death.”
Many people have never asked a parent or partner what their wishes are when they die, McIntyre said. Talking about death and the dying process isn’t something families do unless they are faced with it, and it can be very helpful to know what you want and what to expect before you have to go through it.
The main principle of the café is to openly and honestly share thoughts and ideas without leading people to any particular conclusion, product or course of action. According to an article McIntyre shared from the magazine, Tea Connection, a hospice worker said that people often show up there never having discussed their feelings or wishes regarding the dying process.
“It’s not a lecture and it’s not meant to take the place of therapy. We are offering a safe and confidential space to have an open discussion where people can speak freely. If you listen to yourself say these things (about death) out loud that other people only think, it’s very liberating.”
With room for 30 people at the café, the McIntyres ask that participants come in to get a ticket at $5 per person to cover costs. Everyone is welcome and if you don’t have the $5, McIntyre said you are still welcome.
The tea shop owner said he has had experience with death and dying his entire life and when he opened the Tea Connection with his wife, they wanted a way to thank the community. Besides the Death Café, the shop will also host a night for grieving parents coming up at the end of September and they also offer fundraising for local small charities. Each month, a charity that signs up will get $1 from each cup of black tea sold; their way, McIntyre said, to help charities that don’t have professional fundraisers to assist them.
The Tea Connection is located at 425 St. Clair St. in Chatham.
