Q: How do you spot a pedestrian in Chatham?
A: You wait for the Don’t Walk symbol to flash and then watch them cross the road.
I know we have a literacy problem in today’s society, but how much more simple could we make this? The HAND means DON’T WALK. The WALKING PERSON symbol means WALK. The worst thing is that these dreadnoughts seem oblivious to the signs and get offended if a motorist gets within a few meters of them.
Chatham Mazda from Chatham Voice on Vimeo.
We seriously shouldn’t have to go over this. Again.
Q: How do you spot a bicyclist in Chatham?
A: Very quickly, if you want to survive. I don’t want to stigmatize here (OK, I do) but somewhere in Chatham there is a secret lab turning out 20-something young men covered in tattoos, bling, sleeveless shirts and shorts, and backward hats (so 1990s) whose only function is to ride on sidewalks, flatten pedestrians and slam into cars. We’re overdue for a police blitz on this one or we could have someone walk a beat occasionally. Alternatively, merchants could hold a “bag of doorknobs” giveaway where each shopper receives a bag full they can swing at these cyclists.
Q: How do you spot a politician in Chatham?
A: Hold an event. Any event. They will come a running. Actually, these RPS (random politician sightings) are a good thing. Use them to find out what they’re thinking. See how it changes if/when they’re elected.
Q: How to you spot a motorist in Chatham?
A: Look for the blur. We speed. A lot. But consider this. Even if you hit a lot of traffic lights, you can go from one side of Chatham to the other in about 11 minutes. It’s 7.3 kilometers from Indian Creek Road to Pioneer Line. Speeding might cut one minute off your time. You might also hit another car, pedestrian, bicyclist, mom with a stroller, etc. So it’s totally worth it, right?
Q: How do you spot a pair of wannabe (LOL) media moguls?
A: Look for the big tequila sunrise truck. Last week we had a couple of carriers quit unexpectedly. Fatima and Michelle grabbed papers and started delivering routes while we looked at deploying the rest of our available staff.
In our case, it meant I looked at Bruce, he looked at me and we got in the truck.
As we dropped bundles at various spots around town, the response was heartening.
From “What’s your buddy barbequing?” to “That was a nice story about Sophia” to “When are you going to get after those politicians?” it was great to hear so many positive comments.
The only downside was that we were a tad slower than usual. There were lots of “We’ve been waiting for you!” and “Where have you been?” comments, usually with a grin. Usually.
Fatima got the routes filled so I think Bruce and I are fired from our delivery jobs.
Made us wonder what would (Pierre Karl Peladeau, owner of the local Sun Media outposts) do? Close a call centre? Ship more work overseas? Jettison more editors?
Close a press? Count the $40 million he made in the first quarter? How does he find the time to be a separatist MPP?
as a news source for this community, I myself would appreciate if you didn't stigmatize different age groups… we have poor enough opinions rolling around this community without a reputable news source making it seem okay. I really like the Chatham Voice, more so than the other papers… but as someone who is in that 20 something age group… with tattoo… who never bikes around and if i did would follow the rules.. have to say i am a bit offended by your generalization. I have seen numerous people over the age of 30 and 40 doing the exact same thing downtown….
Hey Sarah, thanks for writing. Most of the people I've seen zooming by on bikes are in they're 20s and fit that description. Having said that, the column was somewhat tongue in cheek. There are certainly lots of responsible bike riders of all ages. I'll agree idiocy knows no age boundaries. I'm amazed some people have made it through several decades seeing how they act. No offense intended to the good folks. The ones to whom it applies probably wouldn't get it.