Of radios, seats and other vehicle issues

Maybe I’m wrong here, and I’m using a rather small sample size revolving around me, but have you ever noticed how differently men and women use the volume controls, mute button, and on/off switches of electronics?

Let’s start with car stereos. I’ve noticed that ladies tend to turn the volume way down, rather than just shut the stereo off, when they need the sound eliminated for a short period of time.

It’s a pet peeve of mine in my truck. My wife will turn the volume down to zero or barely a whisper, rather than just click it off. I get in my vehicle, hit the on/off switch to listen to music, and get nothing. I hit it again, and still hear nothing. Of course, if I were to look at the radio from the outset, I’d see that the radio is on, but the volume is cranked down.

But I’m a guy. I expect instant results.

Of course, all my habits are valid in HER vehicle (at least in my mind, and until she gives me “the look”).

The volume knob on the stereo does have an important use, however. Guys, are you like me in that you turn down the music when you are looking for a specific address? It’s like I need less noise to improve my eyesight.

Women may say that makes no sense whatsoever, but that reduced volume gives me 20/20 vision.

And we all know guys need all the help they can get (without asking for directions) to find a location when driving.

And we need our car seats in just the right position. Another pet peeve is getting into a vehicle (especially my truck) and having the seat pushed up close to the steering wheel. Yes, my wife uses my truck as needed or when convenient, and Fatima in the office uses it from time to time. Yes, they are shorter than me. Ninety-five per cent of the time they push the seat back all the way back for me.

But that five percent! I tell you! OK, so I generally do see that the seat is forward when I open the door, but there are periodically times I forget. And that’s on them, not me, right? I’m just a guy whose job is to be observant…

On the flip side, I very, very rarely put my wife’s seat back into position for her. In my defence, I’m not sure how far forward that is. Is it the shortest possible setting?

I can only imagine putting it all the way forward, have her to go hop into the car and have her knees bang off the steering wheel. That would be like leaving the toilet seat up or something. I’ll leave it (the driver’s seat, not the toilet seat) all the way back. It’s safer for everyone that way.

On the topic of seats, I don’t understand the need for motorized seats moving front to back. What is wrong with a bar you pull up and then use your legs to either push back or pull forward?

But, as you can tell from my ranting, what is needed are memory positions in seat adjusting so you can easily slide a driver’s seat into the right spot for your spouse.

Those memory positions should apply to the adjustment for the seat backs too.

As you may have deduced by now, I am a bit anal-retentive when it comes to my vehicle. Or just plain crazy. Your guess is as good as mine. But I like my seat in a very precise partial recline.

I’m not talking about the dudes who seem to think it’s cool to go way back and have their heads essentially in the back seat – you know, those guys who have to pull themselves up just to turn a corner or park. I’m talking about being in the right position so the headrest works perfectly.

You need that headrest to be an afterthought on a long trip. It has to be placed right, and not force your head downward. I’m a tall guy, so I have to recline the seat slightly so the headrest in the truck works as advertised.

When the seat back is moved, I can quickly tell.

Yet another thing to which my wife responds with an eye roll. Geez. You’d think I was overreacting or something.

St. Patrick’s fun

A night with Eggless Chad, Sensei Jeff and their better halves is always a good time. We gathered together to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day Saturday night.

Lots of laughter and card playing, and a few beverages consumed.

One that I didn’t consume, however, was the final Smithwick’s that I brought.

Eggless Chad and Charlene did their best Bob and Doug McKenzie impression, and their dog, Sophie, turned into the McKenzie’s dog Hoser in their movie, Strange Brew.

Sophie drank my final beer! It was out on the back porch staying cold. But the dog decided it was hers, and she must have shotgunned the thing as she absolutely shredded the can.

Eggless Chad and Char have hosted many a gathering over the years, usually with interesting and one-of-a-kind moments, such as Teacher-in-the-Bleacher a few years back, a life-sized salute to Elf-on-a-Shelf.

But a beer-can-eating dog? Oh, the inhumanity!

For the record, Sophie the Party Dog is fine. She was as tired as the rest of us on Sunday.

Musical therapy

This past week, our lovely daughter had some friends over for one evening and overnight. I brought home an overload of pizza for the teenagers (and myself), and settled in to life upstairs while the kids played video games and music downstairs.

I got about four straight hours of rap music, followed by a request to take them to a party in town.

My wife had the task of taking them to the party, so as soon as they left, I sought some therapy. It turns out, a great way to scrub the lingering effects of rap music from my brain is to infuse it with The Doors’ LA Woman. The louder the volume, the better the scrubbing. The Clash’s Koka Kola and Sammy Hagar belting out Space Station No. 5 worked well too.

As for the party, I’m told driving up to it was like they were royalty – they had a police escort. An hour after the supposed start time to this house party, the police were rolling up to put an end to it. A cruiser was right in front of my wife’s vehicle, and when it turned down the street the party was on, she just started laughing.

Social media is the bane of high school parties. Too many kids attend, there’s too much noise, and things escalate too quickly.

As a result, so many of these kiddie shindigs are over in an hour or so.