OK, it’s done. Round two of Up Periscope! Also known as Bruce’s colonoscopy experiences.
I’m 53 years of age and I just went through my second colonoscopy. Basically, if you are over the age of 50, you should talk to your doctor about having a scope done of your, ahem, exhaust system in order to be screened for colon cancer.
I had my first in my mid-40s at my request. Two friends younger than me had recently been diagnosed with colon cancer, so I was a little worried.
At that time, I wrote in great detail about my experience. Some friends thought it might have been a little too much information, but I did receive emails from folks who had no idea what the procedure entailed, and were happy to hear the details from me.
I have to say things have actually improved from my last experience.
Even the preparation period, if you can believe that.
Preparing for a colonoscopy is basically making sure there’s nothing there to impede the camera. That means your colon has to be empty.
And the way to do that is to…stop eating solid food two days before the procedure, and take some seriously potent laxatives.
OK, they aren’t called laxatives, but rather purgatives. Yes, they purge your bowels of absolutely everything.
The first time, I took something called Pico Salax. This time around it was Purg-Odan (I love the not-so-subtle “purge” reference).
The Pico Salax is so strange a concoction that when stirred into cold water, the chemical reaction actually heats up the water! Purg-Odan didn’t do that for me.
In both cases, you drink a lot of clear liquids after each of three doses of the purgative. Try 40 ounces each time. After all, you have to flush out your system.
I recommend mixing in sports drinks, such as Gatorade, as you need to replenish your electrolytes. I still had a nasty headache in the middle of the night during this process.
As comedian Billy Connolly said, keep your toilet paper in the fridge. Your tail pipe will get pretty heated up from all the exhaust.
That’s by far the most uncomfortable part of the process.
I arrived at the Chatham-Kent Health Alliance late morning and was in one of the endoscopy suites shortly after 1 p.m. I remember talking to the anesthetist, Dr. Gold, about my Big Green Egg and the next thing I knew, I was chatting with the nurses in recovery.
The dude checking out my tail pipe, Dr. Manji, popped by to let me know they removed a fair-sized polyp, which is off to pathology to see if there was any sign of cancer.
I’m reconnecting with him in a few weeks to see what’s up.
Bottom line (pun intended), there was a polyp and thanks to the procedure, it’s gone.
I have a feeling I’ll have to have colonoscopies more frequently than once every 10 years, but it’s good to know whatever was in me is no longer there.
One of the first things I noticed after I woke up was that I didn’t have any feeling of being bloated. Last time, I was pumped very full of air to open up my exhaust system, and wasn’t allowed to leave the hospital until I broke wind. In fact, the recovery room sounded like the baked beans scene from Blazing Saddles.
This time around, I’m told they used carbon dioxide, which the body is quick to absorb. That was great. As much as fart jokes make me giggle, I wasn’t into the feeling of bloated discomfort last time.
Overall, this was another positive experience for me at the CKHA. I’m getting older, and with that comes more procedures and tests in the hospital. Each one I’ve had, from X-rays to cortisone injections, to colonoscopies and a hip replacement, has earned a thumbs up from me. Good people work at the CKHA, from the docs to the nurses, to the student paramedic who put in my IV this time around.
Better than barbecue?
OK, I have been lax in printing any Big Green Egg experiences recently. But the barbecue/smoker/oven Egg is under a pile of snow in the backyard. I haven’t had decent access to it in weeks.
But my wife has in the meantime discovered something that might just trump most of the food we’ve cooked on our Egg (OK, not the smoked prime rib, or the maple glazed salmon, or the succulent steaks): Pulled chicken. For chicken tacos.
And she did it in the crock-pot, so it’s a meal for all seasons.
She’s made them twice for us in recent weeks. How can you not when your daughter said the chicken tacos just might be the best food on Earth? Brenna actually said she thinks she could eat them every day. We’re talking about a teenager here, not some six year old wanting grilled cheese every day until she or he gets sick of them.
Put it this way, she had two chicken tacos on Saturday night, and four the next night. They’re that good.
And that simple. Mary just took half a dozen chicken breasts (bone-in, as they are cheaper and the bones just pull right out of the chicken after it’s done), added black beans, chicken stock, chopped tomatoes, cumin, chili pepper, smoked paprika, garlic and onion powder to the crock pot, set it on low and walked away for at least six hours.
Add lettuce, cheese and maybe some salsa or taco sauce, and you are in heaven.
You could also add in rice to bulk the recipe up some, depending on to how many you are serving it to, or how far you’d like to stretch it out.
Mary took some over to our friends, Eggless Chad and Charlene, on Sunday and I’m told they were a hit there. Even Eggless Chad can make this, despite the fact he has no Big Green Egg.
Of course, he does have a big deep fryer and is known for making killer chicken wings, which I have never been invited over to sample. I wonder if it’s due to the “Eggless” reference all the time. Hmm.
I promise to shovel out my Egg and fire it up, possibly as soon as this week. It’s been too long and I must reunite with that backyard miracle.
Maybe I’ll pull out our cast iron Dutch oven and take Mary’s miracle to the Egg, cooking it low and slow, and adding a smoky flavour along the way.
Why is it I’m hungry after writing this column?
